Tag Archive | theology

Excerpt Idiot wisdom

∫ Paraphrased then imagined conversation about deeply religious matters »

A strange turbaned holy man on a donkey approached the neeb.

Mulla Nasrudin“Hello Neeb, has anyone ever tried to convert you?”
“Not really, surreptitiously perhaps, but never to my face.”
“Are you sure?”
“You mean about my face?”
“Yes. Your face.”
“Why, what’s wrong with it?”
“Nothing, I never said anything about your face.”
“So were you talking about your donkey whilst looking at me then?”
“No, I was talking to you.”
“To my face you mean?”
“Yes, to you face!” …..exasperated.
“Oh, very good. So what do you want again?”
“Has – any-one – ever – tried – to – con-vert – you – to – your – face?”
“Hmm, let’s see. To my face, no.”
“So you stand unconverted then?”
“No.”
“Then where on earth do you stand neeb?”
“Where on earth? Right here. I stand right here on my ears!”
“On your ears?”
“Yes, on my ears you idiot, didn’t you hear me. I stand right here before God, on my ears. As such you have no need to convert my face as I can already hear every whisper of God. Get back on your donkey you buffoon.”

The turbaned holy man rode away in a state of cerebral disfigurement, whilst his donkey laughed (though the holy man couldn’t hear it).

Book of Angels Vol 12: Stolas

StolasStolas is the 36th of the 72 Spirits of Solomon in the 17th century grimoire Lemegeton Clavicula Salomonis or The Lesser Key of Solomon Ars Goetia (from Latin: something like ‘The Howling Art’). The book contains descriptions of the seventy-two demons that King Solomon is said to have evoked and confined in a bronze vessel sealed by magick symbols, and that he impelled to work for him. It details instructions on summoning and binding (rather than asking for favours) the demons into obedience. The book also references material dating back to the 14th century or earlier, unsurprisingly it didn’t just appear out of a vacuum.

Stolas is a day demon and Great Prince of Hell commanding twenty-six legions of demons. He teaches astronomy and the properties of plants and herbs as well as precious metals. He is also known as Stolos and Solas. He is depicted as either being a wise crowned owl with long legs, a raven, or a man. As a man he apparently has silky long dark brown curly hair and blue eyes. His wings are cream colored and laced with gold trim. He is supposedly calm and peace seeking generally but troublesome and at times antagonistic when drunk, perhaps from playing with the indulgent spirits of humans for too long. He has also been known to prey on young ladies that get drunk too easily when he himself is sloshed.
Personally I like the image of a long legged owl king.

Stolas also governs the following: The zodiac position of 25-29 degrees of Virgo, dates of September 18th-22nd, 10 of Pentacles and the Planet Venus.

Zorn’s volume 12 in the Book of Angels has been reviewed by one obvious fan as the single most beautiful album in the Book of Angels series so far. As nice as it is, I still prefer those whacked out Klezmer hybrids. I’m just not a huge jazz man, sorry.

Book of Angels Vol 9: Xaphan

ukobach_XaphanAccording to the Dictionnaire Infernal, Xaphan was one of those misbegotten fallen angels who rebelled against God alongside Satan. He is a demon of the 2nd rank who has a supposed creative and rather inventive mind, coming up with the idea to set fire to heaven, before he and the other apostates were speared down to the eternal bowels of fire. He carries a bellows as an emblem, but, poor bugger, must fan the flames of the abyss with his mouth and hands. He is sometimes known as the Angel of Invention (just for wanting to burn down heaven..?, now every damn arsonist will be claiming genius).

I’ve also heard it whispered that Xaphan himself is rather shy and self effacing. Thus, if you ever encounter him and find him to be glum and unresponsive, be nice, the poor thing has spent eons blowing air into the fallen Archangel’s belly and involuntarily bursting into flame whenever he tries to talk, not to mention having to passively listen to many other demons’ jibes and jokes about having to fan the fires for eternity with his mouth. He may even regret the untold lengths of time he has been without wings and God’s gracious prescence. All in all Xaphan probably just wants some half decent company who can show him round the playground he was never able to explore himself since bypassing it entirely on the way to hell.

On the flipside, ‘…one should never mistake a shy & wary nature for weakness, or take such characteristics for granted, this is game-play fit only for idiots who don’t know they are idiots, pretend zen monkeys masquerading as rice stick charmers and the like…’ (as quoted from The Diabolical Book of Idiocy as Uttered from a Nebulous Etheric Heretic, 2012).

Lastly, you really shouldn’t be reading these things, it’s terribly dangerous, since calling an Angels Name (fallen or no) is asking this angelic energy to make itself known to you. Glad I dropped that in at the end. The song below will however clear the decks of any and all stickiness related above.

Book of Angels Vol 8: Volac

Volac (Valac, Ualac, Valak, Valax, Valu, Valic). The Sixty-second Spirit and mighty Great President of Hell, having thirty something legions of demons under his command. Volac is said to give true answers about hidden treasures and the position of the planets. He is also a snake catcher of sorts; revealing the whereabouts of serpents and delivering them to the magician or exorcist in a benign state. He appears as a small poor boy with angel wings riding on a two-headed dragon.

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